Silly questions drive me mad

I've heard some stupid questions in my time. Last year my wife woke up to find one eye inflamed, closed over, swollen up - she looked like the Elephant Man. We went to get medical attention and when she talked to the receptionist - with one eye inflamed, closed over, swollen up she was asked "Ok. Is it affecting your vision?". Erm. Yes. Next question.

And on the subject of very silly questions, well, maybe the answers are the silly things, I was listening to someone on the radio who had failed their driving theory test 3 times who complained they thought they shouldn't have to do it before they could drive.

I'm sorry, but you really need to be passing that before they let you behind the wheel of a car. It's basics. I like to make things up for comic effect but this stuff is comedy gold. So when you are struggling to answer the following genuine theory test questions, it's time to get a bus pass and forget the car for the minute.

Why are vehicles fitted with rear fog lights? (Mark one answer).

-To be seen when driving at high speed
-To use if broken down in a dangerous position
-To make them more visible in thick fog
-To warn drivers following closely to drop back

I'm guessing the word "fog" may be a clue

At the scene of an accident you have to treat someone for shock. What should you do? (Mark one answer)

-Sing to them
-Try and cool them down
-Keep reassuring them until qualified help arrives
-Give them liquids to drink

Could I sing reassuring messages to them, would that not be allowed. What if I'm a professional singer? I'm too busy cooling them down with lilt anyway.

You are driving through an automated rail crossing with barriers when the lights begin to flash. What should you do? (Mark one answer)

-Continue across at your current speed
-Stop and reverse
-Speed up
-Get out and look for trains

Yes, get out and LOOK FOR TRAINS, and while you're at it why not eat some razorblades, cover yourself in petrol and light some matches.

If you need help answering any of these, please drop me a line. Don't attempt to travel to see me to discuss, else I fear you - along with anyone in your path - may end up dead.