The 98% rule

When I was young I believed a lot of things. I believed that the programme Manimal, about a doctor who could change into different animals at will, was possible. I believed that playing Laserquest in a lime-green shellsuit was a good idea. And I believed that the majority of people were nice.

That last one, I’ve learned over the years, is the only one that I really got wrong and instead I have the 98% rule. The 98% rule, formulated by me, my best friend and a lot of booze basically says this.

Of all the people you meet, only around 2% are worth bothering about. The other 98% aint.

That might seem a rather cynical viewpoint, but I urge you to think about it in a positive way. There’s so many people out there who can’t wait to argue with you, punch you, stab you in the back, nick your spare change, kick you in the balls or just run off with your favourite video and never return it – there’s so many of them that you should just accept it. Accept that 98% of the people in the world are simply not worth getting upset over. Most people will let you down – get used to it and minimise those people from your life.

Instead, focus on those 2%, the ones that make you laugh, lend you a pair of trousers, cover for you, remember that you like cola bottles, read your work and generally make your life a bit better. If you focus on them more you can get so much more out of life, I guarantee you. In fact, go to your social network page now and look through those ‘friends’ who just wanted to be added for no real reason – and get rid of them, your life won’t be any worse. Similarly, if you’re reading this and don’t know why you really know me, then get rid of me.

So after 6 months of blogging is this my mantra? My manifesto? Obviously it hasn’t had enough hilarious lines in, it’s something approaching me being serious for a change (I’m not dying, don’t worry) and if the 98% rule helps you understand me a little better then great.