Don't drink and drive if you're a goldfish

I get annoyed about plenty of things. Well, I say annoyed. More I talk things through loudly in my head and have to pour them out on this space - and you then read them, it's like therapy, although I have no intention of paying you.

I think if you look at 50% of the blogs I've written they are filled with annoyance - 80% of them about Myleene Klass (I'll explain my dislike for her one day).

What got to me most yesterday was this poster. Now, I know it's for a good reason. Drink Driving is possibly one of the worst things you can do, after watching BBC3 of course. But this poster makes absolutely no sense.

Firstly - "He drinks all day...". No he doesn't. He's a fish. He uses his gills to extract oxygen from the water in order to breathe. If he was drinking it all day he'd end up massive from water retention and there'd be nothing else in the glass.

Secondly "...but he'd never dream of driving.". No. I imagine he wouldn't. Because he's a fish. Without doing them down, fish aren't the cleverest and even if they were I doubt one would look out of it's bowl, see a car and think "If only I could drive?" because if he did, his next thought would be "How the hell do I have this level of consiousness?" or "How did Two Pints of Lager and Packet of Crisps get so many series?"

In a sense "he'd never dream of driving" is utterly correct. Because we have no idea if fish have the ability to dream really do we? Or have scientists worked that out, and discovered that, yes they can, but they draw the line at imagining themselves behind the wheel of an Austin Allegro.

Honestly, my head hurt so much after seeing this poster I needed a pint or two to recover. And a nice drive home. I'm joking of course. Remember, the only safe limit is none - and not 6, as my brother's mate found out when they took his licence away.

For other great posters like this, I like the one that was on the door of the local Shell Garage. It showed Michael Schumacher in his race car with some Shell Oil next to it and he was saying "I use Shell oil in my car...and so should you."

Yes Michael, but you only drive your car about a dozen times a year and when you do it's at 200mph round and round - it's not the same as popping to Tesco in a Nissan Micra - so I'm not sure the comparison works.

And it's not restricted to posters. There's an Oil of Olay advert at the moment that starts with the words "You don't need to take drastic measures with your skin...use Oil of Olay". OK, I've paraphrased a bit. But if you see the ad, check out the small print where it says "Olay results NOT comparable with drastic measures". Brilliant. A cream isn't the same as a surgeon hacking your face off.

I'm glad we were told.

Anyway, that's the session up now. I'll book in another one with the receptionist on my way out.