The door to politeness

I like to think I'm well mannered, although saying that these days effectively means 'I've only been cautioned for a knife crime, not imprisoned' (yeah, right on, bit of politics etc). By that, I mean I do the basics - I say thanks, I say please, I don't scream and point if people are ugly or punch those wearing FCUK branded clothing (no matter how much I want to).

My firm belief is that if we were all a bit more polite, the world would be a better place. Oh and hats, if we all wore hats it would be a better place too. No idea why, just seems like a good idea to me.

Anyway, politeness is a tricky game to play. Like when you are holding a door for someone. Where I work, there's a long corridor with about 4 swing doors, and inevitably you are either just in front or behind someone.

So there are two situations that arise. The rude one is when someone doesn't hold the door, four times. It's rare, because they hear my annoyed heavy breathing after the first indescretion and get the message - either that, or think I'm some sort of sex-pest pervert with the muttering I do. The men do anyway.

The second situation is almost as bad, this time for the person following. How many times can you say thanks for a door being held before it becomes a pisstake? Are there even four ways to say thanks in a different way? I've gone with 'Thanks', 'Ta', 'Cheers' and finished with 'It's been a pleasure' for a bit of a flourish.

For the holder, it becomes tricky. Do you increase pace to avoid the need for holding the door four times? Is that rude? Because I'm British, and can't deal with this sort of thing, I've even gone into offices that aren't mine, just so I can curtail the four door situation.

I like the idea that you take turns. So if you're in the lead, hold the first door, slow down and let the person behind overtake (they can signal by holding out their hand if they want) so they have to reciprocate. Then get ahead of them again before the next door. It creates parity and in a way is not unlike Do-Se-Doing in Country Dancing (don't ask how I know that).

There are other politeness tips that I won't go into much detail on - always stand two urinals apart if you can, never interfere with another mans beer and for gods sake never hesistate when a woman asks you a question that involves her personal appearance - perhaps you can give me more next time you're overtaking/being overtaken by me in the corridor.