He's in here, the perv

I've spent the last two days on the road. No, not literally lying across the tarmac (although I did do that whilst once very drunk in Greece) I've been up and down the country and managed nearly 900 miles in around 36 hours.

That means my average mph since yesterday at 9am has been around 25 miles an hour, and that includes sleeping and standing still. Scary.

Anyway, along the way I amuse myself with the radio, music, podcasts, crunching up 5 extra strong mints and swigging a mouth of ice cold water (try it, it's like a cold version of poppers). But sometimes I get the amusement laid on for me by the general public and the things they write on the back's of dirty lorries and vans.

The last 36 hours have been particuarly good. Here's my faves that I saw

SLAP MY TOP...you goblin - you've probably seen Slap My Top before. Apparantly it comes from a radio 2 DJ. For me it's a nice familiar sight, what I enjoyed the most was the addition of 'you goblin'. No sense at all, perfect.

I wish my wife was this dirty....she it! - another common one (example right) but this time someone with the simple job of adding 'she is' gets it wrong. Unless his wife is Information Technlogy of course, in which case it should be IT in capitals.

He's in here, the perv - funny at the best of times, but this was adorned on the back of a Group 4 truck that carriers prisoners. They even drew an arrow pointing to the door and had drawn an extra handle in the dirt too (either to facilitate the escape of the perv or add an extra layer of security - I couldn't decided). Nice one. Although I hope he has been proved a perv and this isn't just slander.

LOL - seriously, in 4 foot high letters. I did, by the way.

So thanks to the British public and their now dirty fingers, you do make the hours pass a lot more enjoyable then any amount of Radio 1 ever could.