I'm a corporate tart, I'll admit that. I've got an iPhone and I don't care if you hate me for it. Apparantly there are people called "ibores" who bore people with their phones. Frankly, I just like being able to watch videos and read the internet on a screen bigger than an oxo cube.
And the apps are great, that's where phones are going. As you probably know they are a bit like that bit in The Matrix, where they download info straight into your brain so you can fly helicopters, drive cars or 'know kung-fu'. Tons of smart programmes, on demand, on your phone, and most of them either dirt cheap or even free.
I wish I was techy, so I could make a few myself. But if anyone with that level of intelligence is reading, and knows how to make my following suggestions come true, then I'll split the money if we go on Dragon's Den. But we ain't dealing with the woman on it, she puts the willies right up me.
My suggested iPhone apps (all patents pending, rights reserved etc.)
- Excusearama: Late for a meeting? Forgot someone's birthday? This app instantly comes up with an excuse for you, and even displays fake messages and internet pages to back your story up. Type in a few details and before you know it the phone will ring your boss and put on a phone filter that sounds like you have a nasty cough.
- Drinkiefoodchoice: Detects the level of booze in your breath and automatically suggests what you would like to eat, guiding you to the nearest place with GPS. 4 pints? How about a chinese? 6 pints? let me find you a nice madras? 8 pints? You want KFC.
- Stopbadideas: Artificial Intelligence based app that automatically tells you when you are doing something stupid and delivers a small electric shock to the phone. Never again will you eat a Pot Noodle, rent a Steven Seagal DVD (apart from Under Seige), buy a jazz cd or buy clothes from Wilkinsons.
- Autoblog: Automatically writes a contrived blog about relatively up to the minute events and publishes it for you, making everyone think you've put the effort in again.
I tell you, this time next year, we'll be millionaires.
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